Is This What Tension Feels Like?

A little spark of love and curiosity w a midnight Manhattan man.

In the July heatwave of New York, and after an impromptu outing with a new friend, I made my way home from Brooklyn. My makeshift wrap dress delicately draped on my formerly glistening but now slightly sticky skin. Alongside 5 inch wedges, I did feel hot, in more ways than one. So it was a pleasant surprise when a tall mister approached me at the subway platform. With his cool and sultry voice, he cut into the focus I had on my book. He asked how long I had been waiting for the 1. Being that it was 12:45 or so in the morning, it had been about 15 minutes, maybe more. He informed me that it probably wasn’t coming, but after another minute of small talk, we discovered we were both staying v close to one another. I asked if it would be okay if followed his lead towards home, and he happily obliged.

A few minutes later we found ourselves on the 2 instead. He sat nudged up next to me, not too close, but definitely letting me feel the pressure of his body against mine. I met him w the same, and I felt the warmth of him trace the outside edge of me, from my shoulder and down to my knee. We spoke while maintaining the same persistent eye contact as we had at the platform, and w that same alluring, cool voice, he brought up the idea of tension.

Some of my favorite conversations are ones that so naturally skip the small talk. After deciding to travel together, we dove into topics of love and relationships. Perfect. My favorite. And w his background in cognitive science, chatting about the experiences and sensations felt between two potential lovers—while being exactly that—felt just right.

He brought up his big question on tension and how he’s had a hard time understanding the intricacies of it. How in its fragility, it is extremely hard to grasp let alone understand. He’s right. When there’s a craving, a hope, or even just a curiosity of more happening, then the subsequent questioning of whether it’s reciprocated, that’s where tension is born. When two people experience the obvious fact that yes they could connect further, but should they? Will they? Only that growing tension may tell. Now tension can also be unrequited, though that wasn’t the case for us tonight.

By the end of our subway ride, we felt connected enough to shed light on this fact. It was sweet the way he asked, like he was asking for both the man in him, as well as the curiosity in him that was hoping to come closer to the answer of his big question on tension.

We made our way up the steps and onto the sidewalk. By then, the air was cooler and came with a slight breeze that passed over our skin. We were facing each other now, his only a few inches from mine. His finger grazed mine, and led to our hands pressed together. He closed his fingers while interlaced with mine, and I felt a small smile tug at the edge of my lips. His eyes were as dark and opaque as the night sky above us and I kept my eyes locked on them as he inched closer and parted his lips to say,

“Is this tension?”

Thank you so much for reading. This is the first of hopefully many posts in the LoveNaked series. Please consider subscribing or supporting below for more. <3

xo,

A.